Maybe I'm Saying Too Much, But...

Fuck.

Fuck fuck fuck.

Fuckity fuck fuck.

Get use to seeing Georgy-boy next to Markov, 'cause DOOM is out for a month.

I miss him already.

I miss his board-rocking, glass-shattering bodychecks.

I miss his big blue eyes and military-cut blond buzz cut.

I miss his smell, his musk.

(P.S. Mrs. Panger: I know you wanted kids and all, but I though you should know.)

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Habs Overcome Breast Reduction to Defeat Senators: MTL 3 - OTT 2 (SO)

The Canadiens can seek comfort in two more undeserving points. Fans can cozy up to the fireplace with a cup of warm cocoa, resting with the delightful vision of Alex Tanguay backhanding his way to glory. But alas, we can't. Because these are hard times. Because we've lost something and for things to be the way they once were, we need that something back.

Because the Canadiens have lost their tits.

While the organization was hard at work over the summer building the appearance of a contender, two brothers in Belarus concocted a plan that threatened to throw the team in another direction.

Vanished. Pouf. Disappeared. Scooby-I’m-starting-to-get-a-bad-feeling-about-this gone.

FHF headquarters in Belarus is telling us that the brothers have done this before.

When they were children, while often left alone at home, the young Kostitsyns would spend hours on end making time pass by indulging in a game of hide and go seek. We are told that one cold winter morning many years ago, an amused Sergei told his big brother Andrei, “ok, I hide you seek”, and darted away. Simple instructions, even for the simplest of men, but that day Andrei had been distracted by the television and a new game he had recently discovered: Wheel of Fortune. The night before, 8-year old Andrei confided in his younger brother: “I want to go to America to turn letters like Vanna. I dream to turn letters”.

So as Sergei was telling Andrei that he would be seeking while Andrei would be hiding, a dazed Andrei understood the opposite, resulting in them both hiding. The Kostitsyns are known for their voracious tenacity, and so both brothers, unsuspecting and unaware of the miscommunication, stayed in hiding for days, each brother waiting for the other to find him. They were also plenty shrewd, and so their parents couldn’t find them for days. They were sure their children had run away. Mama Tits even told her husband that she had noticed how mesmerized her eldest had appeared in front of the television lately. Maybe he had darted off to America to fulfill a dream, to learn how to turn letters, and would return to Belarus as the country’s first Professional Letter Turner. Maybe, upon his return, he could even open a school where he could teach the craft of letter turning. The Academy of Letter Turning Technology of Belarus. Dare to dream, she thought, if only that were the reason her boys were gone. A mother can only hope.

Ironically, only hunger saved the boys, who had both been hiding in the same bed under the covers, oblivious to the fact that they had been 3 inches away from one another for nearly two weeks.

Now, alas, it seems the Canadiens, like the Kostitsyn family before, have lost their Tits. Don’t look beyond this fact when trying to conjure up some kind of logic to explain the team’s shortcomings so far this year. The tits are hiding under their metaphorical covers together again. And as the whole organization attempts to retrieve the Tits, by calling out Where Are You Tits? you can just hear the two giggling uncontrollably , tempting fate and defying the searching coaching staff.

But you know what, Andrei, Sergei? It’s not funny.

Your antics have extricated the zip out of what were intended to be two pure offensive lines.

Kovalev is doing just fine, as he still brushes strokes off his palette to paint pictures of wizardry. The Koivu line is carrying the team. But without the two tits in full force, this team loses much of what made it so menacing and multidimensional. It loses speed. It loses grit. It loses pure skill. It loses the advantage.

Last night’s game was the perfect testament to this. And don’t let Sergei’s two assists fool you, this was not a game the Habs won because of his efforts. Not in the least.

The Habs keep getting outplayed because the four lines Carbo rolls out are producing at half the rate they are meant to: two of those lines are stalling, because the two brothers are playing as if the first 50 games of the season were nothing but meaningless tune-ups. The agony.

You know what Andrei? You had dreams? We all had dreams. So you wanted to turn letters for a lifetime. I wanted to go on tour and sing backup for Barry Manilow. Cry me a river. Get over it. It’s time for the Canadiens to grow up and grow some tits.

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The Morning Skate loves him some Tits on Friday, November 21st

Bullet points for what you missed while dreaming of having awesome readers like Booche who send in photos from their trip to watch the Habs in Philly...

• Habs pull two points out of their ass with a 3-2 shootout win over the Sens where they played like crap. To be fair, Benoit Brunet thought they played like peaches and cream. More later today;
• While I am sure no one in the East noticed, Vancouver is hot as hell, unbeaten without a regulation loss in 8 after a 3-2 win over the Wild;
• Kipper shuts out the Avs 1-0;
• Finishing up this morning's focus on Canada West, Oilers go down to the Wings 4-3;
• We hesitate to even bring this up, but Bob and Mats met in L.A. Maybe they went to The Body Shop together.

A hearty Mazel Tov to the Als' Anthony Calvillo who took CFL MVP honours yesterday. Go get 'em Sunday Anthony.

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HF29 asks a simple question for the Sens Game Preview and Open Thread

Carbo looks up to the heavens for answers. Not pictured: God laughing

Let's just get some preview stuff out of the way before I get all inquisitive. Habs-Sens tonight in Ottawa at 7:30 PM. Game is on Sportsnet East for you Benoit Brunet-phobes. Both teams suck. While the Sens played well in their last game according to SLC, they are currently in last place in the Eastern Conference. Last place! That amuses me, but not as much as it should. Habs have their own brand of suck, one crappy win in their last four games. We have a whole five goals over that span! The Habs are meeting the Sens for the first time since Ruutu tried to maim Mad Max last week.

For the view from down the 417, when we always mention Five for Smiting (oh, SLC, why can't I quit you?) we are not giving the rest of the excellent Sens blogosphere their due. So check out Sherry and Dany Heatley Speedwagon over at Scarlett Ice. Those guys rock. And maybe even roll.

Everyone sucks for the Habs, except maybe TMS. Habs I/O reports Carbo has come up with this for tonight: Guay Tender Saks reunited, Pleks with Kovy and Higgy, Lang - Big Tits - Greek Lightning, and the rest. Okaaaaay. Sens suffering with injuries to Chirs Neil and Fish, though they weren't playing that great to begin with. Cody Bass has been called up to fill out the roster. The Auldinator (tm SLC) may yet save the Sens season.

K that's enough preview for the Battle of Suck. Now it's time for the question, which you have no doubt figured out by now:

Is it time to fire Carbo?

FHF regular Number31, over at her own outstanding The Notwithstanding Clause, really got me thinking yesterday when I read this:

"I ain't in the camp of the pitchforks and torches calling for the a new set of coaches or the explosion of the entire team. IT'S FUCKING NOVEMBER PEOPLE! WE AREN'T TAMPA BAY!!! AND WE DON'T MAKE OUR DECISIONS AFTER EA SPORTS NHL09 SIMULATIONS!!! At least not yet, anyway. December/January...that's when I'd get pitchforky."

While I agree it is November, the fact is Habs have played 20% of their season already. So I think it is perfectly legitimate to ask that question. My god, Habs fired Jacques Demers after five games once. Admittedly, it was during the Serge Savard and Reggie Houle front office experiment, but still.

Now, I've made no bones about my disdain for some of Carbo's "coaching" moves. But whether he's a good coach or a bad coach is not the issue here. No, really! The issue is whether the team has stopped playing for him. I am not sure if it's the case, but I am sure it's time to ask that question. The one lesson I have learned from watching sports over the years (alot of fucking sports over alot of fucking years), besides "hot babes will make me drink crappy beer like Coors Light", is that once a team gives up on the coach, it's over. There's no going back. You have to clean house.

Actually I guess there is maybe one issue of Carbo's coaching. He says he has a "system." I don't see it. Do you? Oh, and the constant line-juggling. Oh, and forcing an offensive team to play defensively. Oh, and staking your success on a fucking tie. OK, maybe several issues.

So is it time to fire Carbo? I don't know for sure, but I know the question needed to be asked.

Let's hear your answer in the comments

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Skate For a Good Cause

This Sunday, November 23, 600 children will experience a real thrill by skating on the ice at the Bell Centre alongside some of their favorite Habs.

Proceeds from the event will go directly to Enfant-Retour Québec. You can call for tickets.

This is a great cause as too many families suffer unimaginable pain in the ongoing tragedies of missing children.

Our thanks to Enfant-Retour for their incredible efforts.

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The Game Day Skate for Thursday, November 20th

Bullet points for what you missed while dreaming of keeping alive your 15 minutes of fame as a prostitute...

• Wild one in Beantown, as the B's come back from 4-2 down to beat the Sabres 7-4. Are the B's gonna run away with the East division? I think HF10 just freaked out;
• Ovie's 4 points lead the way in the Caps' 6-4 win over the Ducks;
• Canucks beat the Rangers 6-3 as Lundqvist is pulled.

Sens tonight, in a game we would be really excited about if both teams didn't suck.

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You Are All a Bunch of Ingrates!

Dear all of you negative sissy-pants:

You all suck! You ungrateful schlubs need to zip it and respect the overwhelming awesomeness of this year's Montreal Canadiens! All is well, all will continue to be well, and if you don't like the way that this year's squad of excellence personified is going about it's awesomeness, well, off the bandwagon with you, and don't come a crawlin' back when you see this team about to hoist the Cup. Go find some team that doesn't reek of brilliance. Ingrates! ALL IS WELL!

So you think Price is overrated, can't stop a beach ball? Suck on his 51-save awesomeness! Think that shows an inconsistency and inexperience that may haunt this team? Wrong! It is a testament to the TFS that after all the blatant cheating that resulted in goals being scored that he can repel half-a-hundred shots from the most dynamic offensive machine in hockey history, the Carolina Hurricanes, who are on pace for 1473 goals. Why, 11 of twelve goals scored by the Bruins and Leafs last week occurred during stoppages in play, the intermission, or when Price was over at the bench during timeouts! Look at the video. Only one goal was scored on our Saviour while he was in his crease, and that took three deflections and was shot by the ghost of Syl Apps.

So, you feel Rhino was embarrassed by Sergei Samsonov on his goal last night? Nay! Rhino is well aware of the referee's protection of the gifted Samsonov, face of the league and so talented the NHL passed a league rule that he must be shared equally by all teams in one-or-two year increments ... one hand laid on the Russian maestro would have resulted in a multiple game suspension to our most valued big-bashing defender. Rhino smartly avoided that catastrophe, just as he has avoided similar suspensions in almost every game he has played this year.

You complain that our own Russian master has reverted to his previous infuriating form? Nay, I say! Kovy has merely reached another plateau of excellence, and his less than otherworldly teammates have yet to attain the same level of consciousness. When they do, look out! All the seemingly useless stickhandling and blind passes will result in artistic feats of fancy so beautiful they will be awarded two goals instead of one!

Do not say a word about the limited offensive contributions of Plekanec or the Tits Brothers! You do not understand hockey enough to enjoy the subtleties of their game! You miss the defensive brilliance exhibited by these dedicated warriors, and probably misunderstood the greatness of our own Hall of Famer Bob Gainey, the greatest hockey player in the world according to legendary genius Viktor Tikhonov. Are the Tits Bros and Plekanec about to take the mantle of greatest player in the world from Gainey? You won't be around to find out, you bandwagon ingrates!

Say nothing of the scoring slumps of our French-Canadian standard bearer Gui! Gui! Gui! or the erratic play of his compatriot Alex Tanguay! Did not the great Guy Lafleur fail to live up to your overblown expectations for his first three seasons? Yet now you lionize him for his brilliance! For shame, you turncoat frontrunners! When the cheers of Gui! Gui! Gui! rain down from the rafters for our multiple Art Ross and Stanley Cup winning superstar, your treachery will not be forgotten! You are not invited to the parade(s)!

Do you doubt our great and powerful Carbo? Lament his seeming inability to steamroll the opposition? Scratch your ungrateful, cloudy heads at his line combinations, strategies, power play set-ups, and goalie rotation? You are not alone! Every coach in the league is flummoxed by the great and powerful Carbo's magic. Only the sheer evil of the NHL head office and it's corrupt officials prevents his tactical brilliance from defeating all comers!

In short, you must all walk away from the greatness of this team with your heads hanging in shame! Those who know the truth will glory in the awesomeness and magic of this, the most gifted, talent-laden, warrior-poet ensemble ever to grace a sheet of ice, and when the rapture comes, it is YOU who will feel the shame and disgrace of ever doubting Les Glorieux. The Gods who walk amongst men in that hallowed dressing room know their terrible powers will result in the ultimate victory. YOU will not be welcome at their glorious coronation!

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The Morning Skate for Wednesday, November 19th

Bullet points for what you missed while dreaming of a majority...

• Habs sucking = bad for my heart and liver + good for blog material. We got a feeling there will be many rants around here in the days to come. Canes 2, Habs 1. Sergei Fucking Samsonov was the second star. Bring on the free fall. More later today;
• Other games were played, but we're just too fucking annoyed to write anything else. May we recommend MYFO's Making Puck for your daily recap wrapped in wittiness? It comes along a bit later than TMS, but it's clever and has themes and, like, good writing and stuff.

I'm off to slit my wrists. Back soon! Kisses!

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This is about as much stripper as you deserve, boys - WhalerCanes Game Preview and Open Thread

Hopefully with a decent win tonight they can move up to the fun areas

Waiting in line details - 7 PM start, RBC Center, Raleigh, NC. Another U.S. arena named after a Canadian bank. Are Canadian banks that good? Take your service charges and fuck yourself, CIBC. Habs have won two of their last five games. Huzzah! They still really, really suck. Canes 9-7-2 overall, but have lost 3 of their last 4. It's a suck-off! Habs won the sole matchup this year in a shootout.

Pay your cover charge to - the only Canes blog worth reading, Carolina on Ice. And thanks to our old friend Wufpirate from COI for pointing us to this Price-bashing over at the only other Canes blog worth reading.

Hot sexy Habs to watch - [checks roster] hmm, hmmm, uh, uh, I guess Tangy is still good. Big Tits had 4 seconds of exhilirating hockey Sunday night.

Skanky Habs to watch - the lot of 'em.

Hot sexy Canes to watch - Brind'amour at a point per game pace lately. That's about it. Wait, Brind'amour is still playing?

Skanky Canes to watch - Jordan Eric Staal has no goals and one assist in his last seven. Sergei Samsonov is not playing too well either. I'm SHOCKED I tell ya! Generally, Canes have some goalie issues, and can't really score much. Just like us!

Pay attention kiddies - Carbo thought that the Blues game was so good, he's sticking with the same whacky line combos:

Tangy - Kaptain K - Kovy
Lang with two pairs of Tits
Higgy - Pleks - Greek Lightning
Gui! - Bégin - El Dandy

Normally I'd complain, but anything that relegates Tenderness to the 4th line is OK in my book.

Oh, I haven't mentioned yet - Habs riding an awesome 0 for 20 streak on the PP, which is now 26th in the league. We are SO close to the bottom, I know we can do it!

Post-game adult entertainment - skip the strip club and just masturbate to this photo gallery of Hurricanes Storm Squad member Ashley.

Get you hand out of there and comment!

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The Game Day Skate for Tuesday, November 18th

Bullet points for what you missed while having nightmares of trading your Mamma.com stock before it's time...

• Goddamn, the building didn't collapse again. Michael Ryder has the winner as the B's beat the Leaves 3-2;
• I guess the Sens are, uh, struggling, but the Rangers still need a shootout to beat them;
• Ty Conklin, shutout! Okaayy...
• Sharks win. Yawn.

Hurricanes! Raleigh! Our 0-20 PP! Tonight!

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QUANTUM OF SOULLESS: Habs 3 - Blues 2 (so-so) - Our Inaugural 2 in 1 Game and Movie Review

This is a new feature here on FHF, where we combine a commentary about the previous night’s game along with a review of a movie we have recently seen. Fresh on today’s menu: The Habs’ win over the St-Louis Blues and the new 007 flick, Quantum of Solace.

The Game: Soulless

How unbelievably kick-a-frying-pan-into-my-forehead boring. I’ve been more captivated by dust particles reflecting off light bulbs on my night table.

It starts with Andy McDonalds breaking his leg. I’m loving it. That takes care of the Blues’ number one centre.

Now if we could just find a way to infect Keith Tckachuk with tckolitis, or give him tckataract, or have him come down with tcklamydia.

Coach Carbs decided to energize his dormant lineup and threw out a first line comprised of Koivu, Tanguay and Kovalev, probably to jumpstart Kovy who’s been feeling the effects of that second hand smoke blown by Tomas Plekanecamsonov this season.

Laraque and Lapierre were both Labenched. Too bad. Until Laraque decides to quit the Nivea Defence face washing every opponent that freaking STEAMROLLS OVER EVERY ONE OF OUR PLAYERS WITH A CIMENT TRUCK, he can sit lefack down. Hey, Lapin Lapierre, the Man upstairs decided to grow two healthy, perfectly functional legs on each side of your genitals. HOW ABOUT USING THEM TO PLAY HOCKEY!!!?

La shit, la merde. Futck.

Habs play 3 full periods of some of the most incohesive, the autistic passes the puck to the dyslexic, brand of hockey seen on RDS since, hum, … saturday night.

Even the “highlight goal” scored by Big Tits felt like a sham. Did Blues goalie
Manny Legace look like an octopus masturbating or what? AK’s power skate through the time zones of the earth was a sight to behold; but the finish was served on the finest sterling silver one can find.

The team came back from 1-0 and 2-1 deficits, and looked plenty bad doing it. Kovy sealed the deal in a shootout, none for the ages, with a signature move that often culminates in a shot gone high or a post hit hard. This time, the move was calibrated to perfection.

Carey Price looked alright, with the Blues controlling play for the better part of the game. He looked alright, in the bland way, not the cool, Bob Marley sounding way.

Nevertheless, and let this stand as the true Manny Legace of the night: it was a tckrappy game and it was soulless.

I repeat: the game had no soul.

The movie: Quantum of Solace

What the Aston Martin fuck were they thinking when they made this complete waste of my time?!

Daniel Craig may have had 6 lines in the whole movie, tops. Action scenes that so tested my ADD, leaving me asking, how did this start?, what’s happening now? What’s with the title?

I felt immediate comfort in turning to Mrs. HF4 who asks me with this blunt look on her face “are you totally lost too?”. Yup, babe. Lost, bored, should have stayed home and vacuumed the place.

If Casino Royal was to Bond fans what the first 10 games of the season were to Habs’ fans, then this aneurysm of a movie was as painful as the team’s slide of late. As soon as the movie ended, I turned to everyone I was with and just said, “Quantum of so-so”.

No beginning, get over your girlfriend drowning in the elevator it happens to all of us, thank the good Lord for Judy Dench, a plot as loose as the connections in Darcy Tucker’s brain shitty brand of suck movie. No blood crying, metallic asthma inhaler puffing villains to drool over. A Bond girl on a revenge mission that was so damn obvious that they just should have called her Cliché, or Die Right Now in this Next Scene Bond girl.

This movie, it too, had no soul, making it soulless.

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The Morning Skate for Monday, November 17th

Bullet points for what you missed while dreaming of living in Burlington, Vermont...

• 0-10 on the PP. Our own parade to the sin bin. Maybe 4 minutes of decent hockey. Somehow that all adds up to two points for the Habs, 3-2 in a skills competition. More later, maybe. Or just read Gino Tomac's epic rant on the game thread from last night, it pretty much sums things up;
• Rich Tocchet does no better than Barry Melrose, Lightning lose 3-2;
• Nothing to do with hockey, but feel free to leave your "Fuck you, Bernie Ecclestone" messages in the comments.
  

Blog you may not be reading but should be
If you're like TMS and go out of your way to avoid all things Maple Leafs, you're missing teh funneh over at He Score, He Shoot! When a Leafs blog has a poll like "Who or what will Ryan Hollweg next hit from behind?", you know they don't take things too seriously.

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Holy Fuck. The game starts at 6??? St Louis last minute open thread with no preview

??? 6 PM? Okaaayyyyy. Stand by, we'll find some sort of photo ASAP. Enjoy this chick bending over. Like the Habs in every game lately.

You watching? Of course you're not. Habs suck. Stand by for 2.5 hours of snark from me...

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Please have a seat, it's gonna be a long season - Flyers Game Preview and Open Thread

Sure, no one is more for freaking out and fearing the collapse than me - just see TMS from yesterday - but for one night, we're gonna do the Zen thing. It's mid-November. Still a LONG way to go. So when the Habs hit the Phone Booth ice at 7 PM with Jaro and Bégin but without DOOM, we're just gonna grab a delicious beverage and take some deep cleansing breaths, remembering a long season has tons of ups and downs.

For all you guys saying "yo Goober, where's the meat? Especially against the Flyers? After that Bruins disaster? I don't come here for flaky liberal bullshit.I'm eager to go psycho! Get angry MOTHERFUCKER!!!" I hear ya. Like I said, still a LONG way to go. If this doesn't work, I'm sure I'll be twice as angry tomorrow.

Meditate with me in the comments, omm, omm.

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Oh, the motherf*cking humanity.

The Battle of Cannae. Flodden Field. The Munich Air Disaster. Music From the Elder. Ishtar. Lynne Spears, parent. Last night.

Panger said it best: "There was a game last night? Someone should have told the Canadiens"

Bad start. Bad middle. Bad ending. Was this the true nature of this Canadiens team? It's not an aberration if it happened on Saturday too. That's a dozen goals shipped against our two most hated of foes in less than a week. A comprehensive victory against a team that just lost to the Islanders does not make it palatable. This is a team that has some serious issues right now, and the one saving grace for them is that they have banked points they will desperately need later in the year. The East looks tougher than it was expected to be. Maybe they right the ship and finish as "the class of the East", as so many trumpeted them to be. But the Rangers show no signs of slowing down, Buffalo is back on form, the Leafs and Bruins are clearly not automatic points in the bank, and teams like Pittsburgh, Philly, and Jersey are awfully talented. If the Habs thought they were waltzing to another first-place finish those thoughts had better be gone now.

The Sky? She's fallen: Price was burned repeatedly, with requisite hand wringing from Montreal fans and "overrated" talk from opposing fans. The Canadiens have gone all in with a pair of very young goalies and there will be more nights like this. Be ready. I think Price will still be very, very good. But he's not starting for the 2010 Olympic team yet.

Milan Lucic/Cam Neely comparisons are starting to worry me. I don't see him play that often, soI have no idea what he's like against Florida or St. Louis, but he cranks it up against the Habs. He won that fight with DOOM fair and square and is clearly in Komisarek's head. He's going to be a major pain for the Habs for a long, long time. Please let him price himself out of Jeremy Jacob's range quickly. (Is there a silver lining to DOOM losing a fight, possibly breaking his hand, and being out for weeks? Perhaps the twits who continue to claim he never fights/backs up his talk will shut up. DOOM fights as often as is necessary for a guy who is usually busy shutting down opposing top lines ... the claims that he hides behind the ref are garbage. He usually has better things to do than tussle with some idiot like Ryan Hollweg.)

The defence still needs strengthening, more so if DOOM is out for any length of time. The need for a top-four defender becomes more apparent every time Price gets hung out to dry for a half-dozen goals.

Less stupid penalties would help too.

A little more toughness when the going gets rough couldn't hurt either. Guys like Plekanec, Tanguay, and Big Tits are never going to thrive in last night's game, and the toughness of Koviu, Higgins and Little Tits is all fine and dandy but they aren't exactly monsters. If you aren't aware of the value of Greek Lightning in games against teams like Boston and Philly, you're blind. By the way, if someone could poke Big Georges with a stick and wake him the fuck up, that would be nice.

Plan the Parade: In the words of HF29: Ha ha, I kill me. There better be a goddamn parade of Canadiens puking over the boards because Carbo skates them into the ground this morning.

Well, it was a fun 12 games: 12 straight over the Bruins was fun. But it was bound to end sooner or later, and the odds were it was going to end badly, in front of a baying crowd of Fleet Centre/TD Banknorth crazies. Maybe it takes a few of our more zealous fans down a notch so we can start looking to win on merit rather than on paper. The last two losses better serve as a serious wake-up call; we all know the earlier great escapes didn't.

Next evil foe: Oh, super. The Flyers. What is it, goons and idiots week at NHL headquarters?

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The Morning Skate for Friday, November 14th

Bullet points for what you missed while dreaming of spending your vacation time on the new planets...

• OK, we've got two options here - pretend last night's game never happened, or START FREAKING THE FUCK OUT. We'll go with option B. Habs get crushed 6-1 by the B's. More later, if we can get the puke taste out of our mouths;
• Leaves get back over .500, beat the Oil 5-2;
• Pens blow lead, still win, 5-4 in a shootout over the Phlyers;
• Well, obviously the Sens just weren't that good when we beat them Tuesday, because yesterday they were beat by the Islanders.

Blog You Probably Aren't Reading But Should Be
In an attempt to get the crappy taste out of our mouths, we're introducing a new semi-recurring feature here at TMS Central. TMS should be more than just snark and TSN links. So we're giving a shout out to some lesser known blogs (well, to us at least) we've come across we think are good, in hockey and even beyond. They're TMS approved!

Today, we present to you The Notwithstanding Clause, from FHF regular commentor Number31. Clever little witticisms about the Habs. As a bonus, she already has her game review from last night up! Sample:

"I have a message for our defense: pylons are usually orange."

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One game does not "on fire" make - Bruins Game Preview and Open Thread

Whew I'm getting hot and sweaty. Not sure why. Many lap dances to FHF good friend Robert over at Eyes on the Prize for the photo. In case you hadn't heard, EOTP is well-deservedly getting the coveted Official Habs Blog status over at SB Nation. As a last free and liberated act before he heads over to be edited, Robert has given the Habosphere one last Habs Girls Pictorial. Not to worry though, Robert has shared his Habs Girls secret with us and we hope to have the series live on. Or get beaten up by psycho meth-head biker boyfriends while trying to take pics.

Oh right, hockey! Habs played an amazing game Tuesday. That was Tuesday; this is Thursday. See what I'm saying? On with the preview.

Waiting in line details - 7 PM start in the Boston arena named after a Canadian Bank. B's are as hot as the chick in the photo above, winning their last four against quality opponents like Buffalo, Dallas, and Chicago last night. I guess this game is for first place in the Northeast, if things like that matter in November. Habs have already beaten the B's once this year, in one of those games we managed to win by playing only about 20 minutes of decent hockey. Habs have beaten the B's in 12 straight regular season games. That's gotta end sooner or later.

Pay your cover charge to - the aptly yet long-titled Cornelius Hardenbergh and the Hockey Blogging Adventure. While I enjoy the irony of Cornelius' initials, it's high-quality Bruins reporting and opinion. HF10 will be featured in his game preview which should be up around 4 PM. Given HF10's, uh, distaste for the B's, it promises to be a good read.

Hot sexy Habs to watch - lots of players had their best games of the year Tuesday - Higgy, Rhino, Gorges, TFS. Even Gang Bang and Little Tits had solid games. Can they keep it up? Pleks and Tangy also taking two minutes for looking so good lately.

Skanky Habs to watch - well, Gui! got a goal Tuesday but I don't think he's out of this space yet. I'd like to see the 4th line get a goal sometime. Big Tits is still not the Tits from last year.

Hot sexy Broons to watch - Tim Thomas, 5-1-0, 1.15 GAA, .965 save % in his last 6 games. Yikes. Marco Sturm has 5 points in his last 4 games, and Savard leads the team with 16 points.

Skanky Broons to watch - ah, it's nice to see Milk Carton Mike here again. Pointless in 3 games. Pshaw, 3 games? He went pointless for dozens of games last year. PJ Axelsson also pointless in three.

If ain't broke, yada yada - Carbo keeps the exact same line-up as Tuesday. Carbo's best coaching moves are when he does nothing.

FHF discussion topic du jour - big debate here at FHF intergalactic headquarters whether the All-Star Balloting is a fucking joke or not. All six Habs are leading at their positions, all of them by ridiculously huge margins. Discuss.

Post-game adult entertainment establishment - Centerfolds Boston seems like a classy place. Be sure to sign up for the golf tournament!

K, let's get hot and bothered in the comments

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The Game Day Skate for Thursday, November 13th

Bullet points for what you missed while having nightmares of a poisonous ceasar salad...

• Luongo's shutout streak comes to an end, 'Nucks lose 2-1 in a shootout;
• Brian Burke no longer Ducks GM, Leafs Nation waits for his arrival with either fear or a tingly feeling;
• Boston and Buffalo both win to keep the Northeast division nice and clusterfucky;
• A Washington Capital gets five points in a 5-1 win over the Canes to take over the NHL scoring lead. No, not him, the other one;
• In case you missed it in the comments yesterday, Jarkko Ruutu got 2 games for the elbow on Mad Max.

Big Bad Broons tonight. HF10 is foaming at the mouth already.

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Sorry I Can't Come to the Phone Right Now, I'm Too Busy Loving Horrible Music

Word to the wise, nobody call Carey Price at home right now, cause you just know he's screening your calls, and too enthralled by the Country Music Awards to pick up the phone.

Have a heart folks. Leave the man alone and let him watch the three douchiest hours of television of the year.

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Look Ma, No Suspensions! Not-the-Flyers 4, Sens 0

Plan the parade: Hey, remember when we all thought Higgins was gonna be a 40 goal, 40 assist, Cup-hoisting Captain for life? Oh, it's back on, baby! Hey, remember when TFS was TFS, and shutouts, Vezinas and Cups were going to rain like ... um, rain? Plan the parade! Remember when we feared the Sens juggernaut and the inevitable SLC smackdown? Nah, me neither. Remember when Gui! was the next John Leclair - except we weren't going to trade him just before he exploded as a first-line force of nature? Well, he snapped home a nice goal last night, so that's something. Remember when the Habs were a clean, hardworking skill team, not the bunch of cheap-shotting quitters who showed up in Toronto on Saturday? Let's hope Carbo made a tape of that speech.

The Sky is Falling: Forget Marian Gaborik or Ilya Kovalchuk or Mats Sundin and get a large, angry, top-four defenceman who will punch someone in the fucking mouth if they get to close to TFS, please. Saturday was an abomination, with Leafs running rampant through the crease and dressing room poison Grabs throwing a butt-end with no consequences. Last night wasn't as pitiful, but the Sens sure had a lot of time to shove their way into the blue paint. It's got to stop.

Know what else needs to stop? Big Tit's penchant for tripping/slewfooting guys on races for the puck. The one on Saturday against Leafs saviour Luke Schenn was bad enough, and he pulled the same thing last night. He's gonna kill someone. It's a dirty play and someone needs to tell him to knock it the fuck off and start scoring goals.

Somewhere, Jacques Parizeau weeps: The Flying Frenchmen sent out this power play unit: Two Belarussians, a Russian, and two Czechs. Later, on a four on three, it was a Finn, a Russian, a Czech and a Belarussian. Damn moneyed ethnics are ruining everything!

Chez Paree bound: Post a shutout? Get right in. Throw up a "who needs Gaborik?" first career hat-trick? Get right in. Put all the power of your 5 foot 2, 93 pound body into your fists to avenge a head shot on your teammate? Get right in. Spend an entire penalty kill buzzing the opposing net? Get right in. Play a full sixty minutes like you mean business? Get right in.

You know, I hate to say this sort of thing, but: Alex Auld played fantastic and deserved a better fate.

Of course, saying things like this might explain why he didn't have a better night: I heard the names Spezza, Heatley, Alfie, Fisher, and Neil last night. I may have heard "Winchester" once, and Foligno was mentioned when he fell down on the third goal. That's seven forwards. Most teams dress 12. It's not a good sign when almost half of your attackers are invisible. I think Spezza and Fisher each played 45 minutes last night.

Meanwhile, on the Ocho (er, TSN2): The Pens and Wings took Rememberance Day to a whole new level by remembering what the NHL was like in 1988-89. 7-6 in overtime after the Wings blew a 5-2 lead in the third. Yzerman to Gallant looked like the winner until Lemieux set up Robbie Brown for the tying goal, then won it in overtime himself. Yowza.

Next Evil, Evil, Blackhearted,(did I mention Evil?) we-need-to-crush-them foe?

Bruins. Thursday. Urge to kill ... rising! Milan Lucic is ON MY LIST.

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The Morning Skate for Wednesday, November 12th

Bullet points for what you missed while having nightmares of a Palin future...

• Well, that was a nice change. I may have been dreaming but I think the Habs played 60 minutes, playing probably their best game of the year to shutout the Sens 4-0. Higgy gets his first NHL hat trick, TFS made 28 saves and Jarkko Ruutu tried to maim Mad Max. More later today;
• Gary Bettman undoubtedly had multiple orgasms as the Pens come back to beat the Wings 7-6 in OT;
• Leafs don't have the firepower to come back, succumb 4-3 to the Flames;
• As I write this, TSN gives HON honours to Mike Ribeiro. Kill me, please. At least the Stars lost;
• Danny Brière continues to destroy hockey pools as he's injured again in a 3-1 Flyers win.

Plan the parade!

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Habs need to turn it around NOW - Sens preview and open thread

Yeah, it seems odd to me too that we need to talk about "turning things around" when the Habs are 8-2-2. But fuck, how much do I need to complain about the sucking? We can all agree that the Leafs game was an embarassment. But that BJ's game sucked too. Meanwhile, the Sens are all hotsy-totsy lately after stumbling out of the gate. Time to make a statement boys.

Waiting in line details - 7 PM start at The Phone Booth. You hear that - SEVEN P.M., not the normal 7:30 for a weeknight. That reduces my time to get drunk after work by half. I can still do it! The game is on TSN so HF10 can watch. While the Sens are coming off a 2-1 loss to the Canes, before that they had dominated the Flyers and had a 4-0-1 streak. After actually sitting in last place for a while, Sens have climbed to 10th in the East. As for the Habs, well, you know my feelings already.

Pay your cover charge to - if this is your first day on FHF, we'll direct you to Five for Smiting. If you've been here before, you're probably sick of us talking about how great a blogger SLC is, so we'll just shut the fuck up for once.

Hot sexy Habs to watch - Pleks and Kovy starting to come alive, and Tangy and Markov still going strong.

Skanky Habs to watch - I'm hoping to see Mad Max get a point again in my lifetime. I've given up on Gui! though. If I put TFS(tm) in this space (10 goals against in his last two starts), will the gods smite me? [ducks thunder bolt]

Hot sexy Sens to watch - Alex Auld leads the league in GAA. Let me write that again - ALEX FRAKKING AULD LEADS THE LEAGUE IN GAA. Fish, Heater and Alfie all coming around. And Filip Kuba is still leading NHL defensemen in points, albeit tied with 3 others including Markov.

Skanky Sens to watch - Spezza with only a single point in his last 5 games, though he still has 13 for the season.

Line-up du jour - Price will start. Hamr is ready to go. No word yet on the fourth line, but we're sure it won't include a certain winger of Greek descent who we shall not name for fear of sparking another debate in the comments.

Totally random note that has nothing to do with the game but I'm writing it anyway - As I write this preview, some guy is outside my window wearing a Colorado Avalanche jacket. I always found it fascinating how Nords fans embraced the Avs. Normally, when a team leaves a city, its subsequent incarnation is met with either indifference or derision (see: Washington Nationals), but Nords fans seem to love the Avs.

Early week post-game entertainment in lieu of a strip club - How about reading a book? May I suggest Men with Balls, by KSK'er Big Daddy Drew? I haven't read it yet, but if it's 1/10th as funny as his Thursday Afternoon Dick Joke Jamboroos, it will be awesome.

Let's hear your dick jokes in the comments

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To you from failing hands we throw the torch; be yours to hold it high

It's 11:11 on Remembrance Day. Please take a moment to remember where that Habs' locker room quote comes from. And please take a moment to remember that if not for these guys in the trenches, we wouldn't have the time or freedom to argue about some stupid play in some stupid game or ogle strippers and make meth jokes. War is too often used as a metaphor in describing sporting events. War is war; sports are a diversion. Remember that, too.

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The Game Day Skate for Tuesday, November 11th

Bullet points for what you missed while remembering...

• Olie the Goalie goes back to Washington, but loses to the Caps 4-2;
• Jeff Drouin-Deslauriers is rapidly becoming a TMS fave, with a 40-save performance in helping the Oil beat the Rangers 3-2 in a shootout;
• With all the Greek hubbub around here yesterday (wasn't that fun?), we totally forgot to honour the Hall of Fame inductees that went in last night. All congrats to Glenn Anderson, Igor Larionov, Ray Scampinello and some builder. In watching the ceremony last night we can only come to one conclusion - Glenn Anderson has a hot wife.

Hey loook, it's the Sens tonight! They're hot, we're not. Uh-oh.

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Beam us up, baby!

So a local journalist is trying to lobby the Habs to have William Shatner sing the national anthem before a Habs game this year to celebrate the 100th anniversary and the Montreal-ness of the whole thing, or something. Here's a taste of what we can expect. It would be beyond awesome. Go sign the petition.

*Sincerest apologies to HF10 who despises when I even mention Star Trek on this blog

UPDATE - Just wanted to link to the original blog post from the "local journalist", Kristian Gravenor.

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